The ladies and I weekended in Vegas, and it was puh-retty great. We went, we drank, we gambled, we conquered all of the things.

Tracy is a newcomer to our lady group, by way of Ronald (storied friend and affable character). When Ron broke the news that he and Tracy were engaged , the ladies and I got to planning. A bachelorette party was the obvious answer to this new revelation!

And what better location than Vegas? A city whose slightly dusty, magical glimmer had been calling our names. We were looking for an excuse to dive into the desert, and this provided us the precise opportunity to round up the ladies for our first out-of-state ladies trip together.

Lots of planning gave way to the purchasing of sunscreen and trying on of swimsuits. Despite a few pre-airport arrival hiccups, we got to our plane on time, with the appropriate luggage in tow and excitement glinting in the corners of our eyes.

Note: we made it there safely, but a word to the wise… never fly Allegiant Airlines, no matter how cheap their tickets. The flight attendants were worn, a grimace-smile barely hanging on. The planes are small, the service is lacking and when you fly back home after an all-nighter you won’t want to be squashing thighs with the woman man-spreading next to you.

I wanted to spoil the ladies a little bit, especially Tracy, so I rented a nice Towncar to come pick us up at the airport. I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of flagging down a cramped and dirty cab. He arrived at our luggage carousel, and politely helped us to the car, though that contented feeling didn’t last long. Our driver was many things, but mostly utterly offensive. The ride was nice, the driver was absolutely apalling.

RX Boiler Room dinner

Squid-E-Os at RX Boiler Room

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We had a special fancy dinner at Rick Moonen‘s restaurant RX Boiler Room (we even sent Brett some yolk porn), to kick off the night then attended a saucy, decidedly NSFW, show at the Erotic Museum. The performance had more than a few funny moments… especially when Tracy was called onstage to participate! Pictures and a video MAY or may not exist.

The Yucca at the Neon Museum

La Concha at the Neon Museum

We ate lots of food (including at The Peppermill, which may be the weirdest place I’ve ever eaten, Carson Kitchen and the Wicked Spoon)…

Tracy under the neon tree at our table at The Peppermill

Wicked Spoon at the Cosmopolitan

Drank some dranks at Atomic Liquors and Frankie’s Tiki Room (ultimately our delicious demise, as this was the beginning of our all-nighter), wandered Container Park, got bombarded by Fremont St. and got our casino on. Mightily.

Atomic Liquors with the ladies

Enthralled by slots

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We gambled/slotted at… the Cosmopolitan, Bellagio, Mirage, Encore at the Wynn, El Cortez (best, old-time casino with the coolest neon sign), Caesar’s Palace, Circus Circus (most briefly, don’t go here… it will ruin you), Mandalay Bay and the Aria. I think. Some of that ‘ding-ding-ding’-ing, shiny flashing and the barrage of cocktails blurred my brain a bit.

Tracy winning at literally everything

There were mimosas in the morning, whiskey in the afternoon, lots of dirty jokes and real talk (post cocktails), and some general bonding. We got Tracy hammered and finally chipped away at that sweet hard shell of hers. Success! She’s a gem, this one. I guess we’ll keep her.

Ladies, sparkly lights

The only thing missing… what would have REALLY capped off our trip, given it a good kick in the ass, would have been to get a tattoo—a horseshoe perhaps, or trio of cherries a la slot machines. We didn’t, but perhaps that’s on the docket for our next go-round.

P.S. And in case you were curious, Vegas smells like chlorine, sewage and sunscreen.